The Skullet

My buddy Zach and I were recently having lunch at chipotle in Independence Ohio.  As were were eating our burritos I glanced up towards him and all of a sudden I saw his eyes bulge out of his head as if he saw the most mesmerizing thing known to man.  As a frozen smile appeared upon his face he said to me, "Phil look, 4 o'clock."   As I gazed over my right shoulder there it was plain as day, The SKULLET.

Now it has been a while since I last saw a skullet.  I'm thinking maybe 1989.  But after living in Cleveland for the past year or so I've realized that anything is possible.  Now, I'm sure most of you are well versed with the timeless classic the mullet, but as I've been finding in my research, not everyone is as familiar with the skullet.  The skullet is defined by Urban Dictionary as a descendant of the mullet generally worn by dirty old men. The skullet has a mullet-like appearance with bald scalp on the top of the head and long hair on the sides and back of the head.

One question comes to mind when this subject is brought up. Why?   Why would someone actually want to sport a common hair style of an online predator in which there is no hair on the top of the head, but long in the back (if you've ever seen to catch a predator then you know exactly what I am talking about).  Skullets seem popular among men in their mid 40's whom are trying to retain what they believe is style and babe-magnet attraction by compensating for forehead hair loss by growing an ever longer, and often curly back mullet.

In an attempt to discover where this phenomenon started or really to figure out what went wrong, we are going to have to go back to the 6th century Rome where Procopius of Caesarea recorded Romain mullet men in his publication “Secret History”:
“First the rebels revolutionized the style of wearing their hair. For they had it cut differently from the rest of the Romans…clipping the hair short on the front of the head down to the temples, and letting it hang down in great length and disorder in the back. This weird combination they called the Hun haircut.” Rebel seems to be the catch phrase that is associated with a mullet. Back then it was a rebellious act against a governing power. Now it’s just a rebellious act against looking presentable.

If you don't believe me or think that the mullet is just folk lore I encourage you to just stop by your local Wal-Mart and look around. If you don’t have a Wal-Mart don't worry.  You can always look for a trailer park, they have been known to produce large numbers of mullets/skullets. If that doesn’t work you can always go back to the 80′s, this is where most who have a mullet still reside. Also they can be found in most mug shot photos.

Apparently skullets are diverse.  I found two different kinds of skullets, the most common is the BULLET, someone with a mullet who is balding. The outcome is a forced skullet. This is understandable if you have a Camaro, listen to Poison and frequent Tractor Pulls.
The second is the most disturbing though, this is where the term originates. However it seems to me that it is the most uncommon. SKULLET,  someone that shaves their head (to expose the skull) but leaves the mullet. This means they actually walk out of the house in the morning (or evening depending on how many drugs they do the night before) and think to them selves “ Damn I look good enough to go outside today”. 

In the purest application, the skullet is actually a choice, as odd as that may seem to you and me, or a lifestyle if you will.  So to all you Zach's out there, remember the next time you see a skullet remember that the skullet is not just a hair cut but a way of life that we may never fully understand.

Other names for mullets/skullets
Neck Warmer , Long Island Iced Tease , Kentucky Waterfall , Mud Flap , Guido, Beaver Paddle , Camaro Cut , Sphinx, Doggy Door , Hockey Hair , and a female mullet is known as a Gullet.